How Long This Time?

Ugh. I'm here again. I said I would never do it again. I told myself I would not get myself into this AGAIN!! But here I sit, in bed, sick as I was last time. I know there is only one way out of this and it ends in painful labor. Yeah. I'm pregnant again. Oh man how it is different and yet so much the same. It's harder in some ways this time around. I have Athaliah who is my literal dream come true and I have this baby inside me who is causing mommy a lot of misery. When I wake up in the morning I am dizzy and unable to walk in a straight line but somehow I manage to get Athaliah from her crib and into her highchair. I feed her and then as I feed myself I let her cry. Then, I put her on the ground and take refuge on the couch while Athaliah whines and complains because I am not playing with her or taking interest in her mischief. I do this for as long as I can until THANK GOD! Three hours later it's finally nap time for Athaliah. She is cranky and rubbing her eyes. I immediately get her bottle ready and put her back in her crib and tell her I'll see her in a couple hours. Then I run to bed, get cozy, pray that Athaliah sleeps for like, three hours today, start to fall asleep...then realize I have to pee. Okay go pee and crawl back into bed and fall asleep. When I am jerked awake two hours later by Athaliah screaming, I get up, feed her lunch, put her back down and again, lie on the couch. I do this until Damien gets home and then I go to the bed. This is my everyday routine. I hate it. I WANT to play with Athaliah and take her for a walk or to the park on nice days. But I just can't. Everything is exaggerated for me because I am terrified of puking. When I was pregnant with Athaliah I was pretty miserable being in bed all day. Now I wish I had the option of being in bed because I can't unless Damien is home. I also have two jobs. I work as a photographer for Prairie Winds Photography and I DID have a contract for February but if I am this sick next month there is no way I can do it. And then there is my other job as a Financial Advisor for World Financial Group. I love both my jobs but I am sad that I can't even make it to either of them.
I also have a cold right now. My nose is completely stuffed and it has been this way for a week now. This is a good thing and a bad thing. I can't smell ANYTHING. That's great but I also can't taste anything...which came in handy yesterday because I made bacon but it was badly burnt. I ate it and I couldn't taste the charcoal. So it has it's moments. The only thing that bothers me is not being able to breathe in general especially at night when I want to sleep.
Oh yeah, and Damien thinks I have Chronic Fatigue Syndrome because I am SO tired. All the time. Even before I was pregnant with Athaliah I was always tired. And now that I am pregnant with a one year old running around at the same time, I am even more tired than I ever was. This actually makes my nausea worse. If I had more energy I am sure I could handle the queasiness a lot better.
I am trying to stay positive through this but at the moment, it's hard. My hormones are erratic and my emtions are crazy. I can do it though. I am not dealing with the same things I was when I was pregnant with Athaliah. I still have anxiety but it's managable. I am not afraid like I was. I know when I absolutely need to lie down and I know when I can handle getting up and doing something productive. Last time, everything was terrible and I could never get out of bed.

I'm going to get through this again. I know this time that it will be okay. That the bad stuff wont last and I'll be happier when I have something to show for my trouble. Even though I have been feeling off for the past few days, I have no choice but to trust that God has me in his hands. I don't know if it's real, but my instints tell me there may be something wrong with the baby. I have been trying to get a hold my doctor but it hasn't happened yet. Until Monday I am just going to hold on and wait it out. That's all.

Oh yeah, and I hate my birds. I want to get rid of them. They annoy me to no end. I feel like I am going to rip my hair out if they poop on my couch one more time.