Bump Watch: 7 Weeks

I think I am having twins. This is me currently. Seven weeks. I'm not even two months along. Other clues that lead me to think there are two is that tonight as Athaliah and I were dancing together, I leaked Colostrum. I've never heard of that except in the last trimester. The only way that could happen would be if there are A LOT of hormones surging through my body. Also, as queasy as I feel sometimes, I am SO hungry. All I can think about is food. Different kinds of food, how to make it, what I would eat if I could eat it. I'm currently craving Crepes. Mmmm, with lemon and icing sugar. See? I can't stop. I'm not complaining though, food is great. On the other hand...I think I am already gaining more weight than I normally would...which is another indicator. And look at my picture. Does that say anything?? And here is the big one, last night as I was trying for the millionth time to sleep, I suddenly felt butterflies in my stomach. At first I was like, "Hmmm, that's an interesting feeling of gas...kind of pleasant actually." and then...it didn't stop. And all day at random times I felt this flutter that goes from light to really strong! I don't understand though because according to all the medical thingy's, the baby is not supposed to start moving until 8 weeks or so. AND, currently the baby is supposed to be the size of a grain of rice. (I wonder...cooked or uncooked)? Mmmm, rice with butter and salt...

Sooo, IF there is possibly two, they have started sumo wrestling...cause I can seriously feel it!! I have never heard of this!! With Athaliah, I felt her move at around 10 weeks but I didn't know until someone told me. But I have a hard time believing I could feel anything this early. Who knows? I talked to my mom who has exerience in carrying twins (she's done it twice. My sister was a twin but her twin was miscarried, and then there is me and my brother). Mom said she was in maternity clothes at two months and the doctor knew something was up. So after explaining my symptoms to mom, she agreed that it is very likely and I need to get an early ultrasound. I've already been told by some people who suggest that perhaps my "dates" are wrong. The answer to that is, No they're not. I marked down on a calendar every month when my "friend" came to visit and I knew when I was ovulating...and Damien KNEW what HE was doing when I told him...and when my next period was due, I KNEW I was pregnant. So no, my dates are exact.

I am still trying to get a hold of my doctor who seems to be closed every time I call. Tomorrow I am going to try in the morning. I am dying for an ultrasound now!

My nose is still stuffy. It's getting worse. I heard that stuffy and bloody noses are common in pregnancy. Already I've had three nosebleeds brought on by Athaliah squeezing my nose while I "BEEP"ed at her. and of course my stuffy nose has been keeping me awake for the past two weeks.

Things are looking up though. I tried an experement that includes taking two Diclectin (nausea medicine) three times a day. It takes three hours for the medicine to start working so I take them at ten so that by one in the morning I am tired and relaxed and sleep better. Then I wake up and take them right away, which is usually at 10 in the morning, so that by one in the afternoon (around the time of Athaliah and I's nap) I sleep well, and then I take them at five in the evening so that I can get through my evening...and then again at 10 pm. So far it is working which means I feel well enough to keep eating and the more I eat, the less queasy I feel. Isn't it fantastic?

Alright, well, I've been hit with a creative idea for my Sims 2 game so I'm gonna go get it done.

Lemme know what you think! TWINS??? EH??

How Long This Time?

Ugh. I'm here again. I said I would never do it again. I told myself I would not get myself into this AGAIN!! But here I sit, in bed, sick as I was last time. I know there is only one way out of this and it ends in painful labor. Yeah. I'm pregnant again. Oh man how it is different and yet so much the same. It's harder in some ways this time around. I have Athaliah who is my literal dream come true and I have this baby inside me who is causing mommy a lot of misery. When I wake up in the morning I am dizzy and unable to walk in a straight line but somehow I manage to get Athaliah from her crib and into her highchair. I feed her and then as I feed myself I let her cry. Then, I put her on the ground and take refuge on the couch while Athaliah whines and complains because I am not playing with her or taking interest in her mischief. I do this for as long as I can until THANK GOD! Three hours later it's finally nap time for Athaliah. She is cranky and rubbing her eyes. I immediately get her bottle ready and put her back in her crib and tell her I'll see her in a couple hours. Then I run to bed, get cozy, pray that Athaliah sleeps for like, three hours today, start to fall asleep...then realize I have to pee. Okay go pee and crawl back into bed and fall asleep. When I am jerked awake two hours later by Athaliah screaming, I get up, feed her lunch, put her back down and again, lie on the couch. I do this until Damien gets home and then I go to the bed. This is my everyday routine. I hate it. I WANT to play with Athaliah and take her for a walk or to the park on nice days. But I just can't. Everything is exaggerated for me because I am terrified of puking. When I was pregnant with Athaliah I was pretty miserable being in bed all day. Now I wish I had the option of being in bed because I can't unless Damien is home. I also have two jobs. I work as a photographer for Prairie Winds Photography and I DID have a contract for February but if I am this sick next month there is no way I can do it. And then there is my other job as a Financial Advisor for World Financial Group. I love both my jobs but I am sad that I can't even make it to either of them.
I also have a cold right now. My nose is completely stuffed and it has been this way for a week now. This is a good thing and a bad thing. I can't smell ANYTHING. That's great but I also can't taste anything...which came in handy yesterday because I made bacon but it was badly burnt. I ate it and I couldn't taste the charcoal. So it has it's moments. The only thing that bothers me is not being able to breathe in general especially at night when I want to sleep.
Oh yeah, and Damien thinks I have Chronic Fatigue Syndrome because I am SO tired. All the time. Even before I was pregnant with Athaliah I was always tired. And now that I am pregnant with a one year old running around at the same time, I am even more tired than I ever was. This actually makes my nausea worse. If I had more energy I am sure I could handle the queasiness a lot better.
I am trying to stay positive through this but at the moment, it's hard. My hormones are erratic and my emtions are crazy. I can do it though. I am not dealing with the same things I was when I was pregnant with Athaliah. I still have anxiety but it's managable. I am not afraid like I was. I know when I absolutely need to lie down and I know when I can handle getting up and doing something productive. Last time, everything was terrible and I could never get out of bed.

I'm going to get through this again. I know this time that it will be okay. That the bad stuff wont last and I'll be happier when I have something to show for my trouble. Even though I have been feeling off for the past few days, I have no choice but to trust that God has me in his hands. I don't know if it's real, but my instints tell me there may be something wrong with the baby. I have been trying to get a hold my doctor but it hasn't happened yet. Until Monday I am just going to hold on and wait it out. That's all.

Oh yeah, and I hate my birds. I want to get rid of them. They annoy me to no end. I feel like I am going to rip my hair out if they poop on my couch one more time.

This is ME

I want to say that I have been to some unknown tropical island in the middle of the ocean. I want to sing my heart out and not care who is listening. I want to be free to go anywhere whenever I want to. I want to have free evenings along with my weekends in my cell phone plan. I want to lay hands on people and see them become well with my very eyes. I want to lead just ONE person to Christ. I want to see Jesus in person. I want to meet John Mayer. I want to go somewhere romantic and beautiful with Damien. I want Damien to do something completely out of character but wonderful. I want Damien to make love to me under the stars. I want Damien to tell the world how wonderful and beautiful he thinks I am. I want Athaliah to grow up knowing that Jesus loves her more than her parents do. I want to master my Bass guitar. I want to record an album. I want to learn Arabic. I want to speak in an assembly of Jr. High students. I want to dress up completely gothic and preach the gospel just to see people’s expressions. I want to tell Athaliah that she CAN do whatever she wants in life until she is old and grey. I want to be the best mother that I can be. I want to change my appearance at the drop of a hat. I want to wear wigs more often. I want to figure out what make-up looks best on me. I want to learn how to create meshes and things for The Sims 2. I want to brush my teeth more. I want to care about sad things in the news. I want to wear my wedding dress again for a whole day. I want to go sledding down the hill I used to go down as a child. I want to find my friend Celeste from grade 4. I want to play the piano.
My favorite food is Pizza with extra cheese. My favorite colour is purple and red. My favorite game is Balderdash. My favorite movie is The Notebook. My favorite actors are Ryan Gosling and Dustin Hoffman. My favorite day is December 7th because that’s when Athaliah was born. My favorite thing to do is write songs and poetry. My favorite music is anything by Josh Groban and John Mayer. I love red roses. I love the smell of Vanilla candles because it reminds me of my childhood. I love Christmas lights but not Christmas. I love to give if I have anything to give. I love to spoil Athaliah with clothes and kisses. I love the story of The Little Mermaid. I love softly falling snow with no wind. I love to fill the car with gas because I love the smell of the gas station. I love east Indians and Arabs because they fascinate me. I love babies of all kinds. I love photography. My favorite picture of all time is a famous painting of Jesus. I love stained glass. I love the Victorian and Medieval era. I love to dress up. I love Diamonds more than Ruby’s and other jewels. I love to watch Sesame Street because Elmo is so darn cute. My favorite place to eat is the Crepery in Kensington. I can never get enough of the song “These Words” by Natasha Beddingfield. I love my brother so much it aches. I love to spend time with my Grandma because she is all I have left. I love watching Athaliah when she thinks no one is watching her. I love the smell of cinnamon. I love cheesecake. I love looking at people’s eyes. I like to stare at people when they walk past me. I like telling people that I think they are beautiful. I love Perez Hilton even though he is gay. I love The Chronicles of Narnia. I love shopping. My favorite plant is a Venus Fly trap. My favorite insect is a Ladybug. My favorite type of car is Volkswagen because it reminds me of my sister. My favorite doll is a porcelain doll named “Kathy”. I love my skin. I love my hair when it is done. I love to wear my glasses sometimes. I love to look in the mirror. I love to watch Damien sleep. I love Damien. I love having my picture taken.
I hate when people don’t listen. I hate when people talk about themselves more than anything else. I hate when people talk about me behind my back. I hate when people don’t tell the truth. I hate when people talk as if they understand Jesus but have no clue who he is. I hate when people say they have talked with Jesus but he’s “not for them” after all. I hate when I am rejected from anything. I hate when Rogers Video calls me to tell me my movies are late as if I had no idea. I hate telemarketers that wake up my baby who WAS sleeping. I hate being woken up in the morning. I hate school. I hate that the people who made fun of me growing up are no further in life than they were back then. I hate that sometimes good people die and bad people live happily. I hate that homelessness exists. I hate that people abuse their children. I hate that people care about nothing but themselves when they drive. I hate that strangers are afraid to talk to each other like they have the plague. I hate Strawberries and Blueberries because they make me barf. I don’t like birds. I don’t like long trips in the car. I don’t like Football. I don’t like any sport because I was rejected from every team growing up. I hate cigarette smoke because it gave my Dad cancer twice and he is still smoking. I don’t like being called on the phone more than once in one day by the same person unless there is a valid reason.

This is me. Hate me, love me or don't decide... but there should be no surprises anymore. I am who I am and I no longer care who thinks I should be different. This post was inspired by my best friend Nikayla who posted a similar note on Facebook. It totally made me think about who I am.

Let It Go

I was thinking one day about all the people I wish I could say things to if I had the chance...and I was mad that those chances weren't happening because of them. My sister hates me and refuses to speak to me, my ex-boyfriend who I hurt badly and I want to apologize to him...he refuses to hear it...
My friend told me one day as I was explaining my frustration that the circumstances relating to those situations are not my fault. For instance, the fact that my sister wont give me the time of day, although I am involved in it, are not my fault but are a result of my sister's own hurt and emotional pain in the things that have happened in her life to lead to her not talking to me. It is her own issues that have made it hard for her to deal with things and the way SHE is reacts is not on me and is not for me to carry. I thought out of everyone who has ever given me advice, this made the most sense to me. It lifted that weight and I feel so much better.
So out this experience, a poem was born. The first part is me, and the second is God. Enjoy ;)

Holding onto the poison slowly killing me inside,
When will I let go of it; get it off of my mind?
What is it that makes me hold on? I'm running out of time.
It wont be long before it kills me and Lord, I don't want to die.

Take me by the hand and lead me away from this place,
It's dark and it's keeping me from fully seeing your face.
Take me to the water, where it's crystal clear and blue,
I'll drink deep of your love and grace, as long as I am with you.

This burdon is too heavy for me, I need to let it go.
It wasn't even mine to carry, so help me let it go.
Help me let it go, help me let it go.



Holding onto the poison slowly killing you inside,
When will you let go of it; get it off of your mind?
What is it that makes you hold on? You're running out of time.
It wont be long before it kills you and no, you don't want to die.

I'll take you by the hand and lead you away from this place,
It's dark and it's keeping you from fully seeing my face.
I'll take you to the water, where it's crystal clear and blue,
Drink deep of my love and grace, and then I'll be here with you.

This burdon is too heavy for you, you need to let it go.
It wasn't even yours to carry, so I'll help you let it go.
I'll help you let it go, I'll help you let it go.

-Erin

Update on the Moldova situation:
Remember those missionaries who live in Moldova? Well they just happen to be here...in Calgary and through my friend we arranged to have dinner with them. Dinner was tonight and my heart is encouraged!
I spoke with them and learned about what kind of things they do and life in Moldova etc. and now I know 100% that I have to go...and I know that God is making it happen.
I didn't even bring up my passion about sex trafficking but Jake (the male missionary) just started talking about his friend in Moldova who runs an organization called "Beginnings of Life" who specifically works to rescue women and children who have been trafficked from Moldova. And it just so happens that Moldova is the sex trafficking capitol. Not a good reputation but it is just very clear to me that I belong there. And so then I brought it up and told him how that is the stuff I want to be involved in. Unfortunately at the moment the organization is not getting enough funding to pay the people that work for them but the fact that it is happening is fantastic. So Jake said he would try and get me contacted with those people.
And so God is opening one door after another and I feel nothing but extreme peace about everything. NONE OF IT IS COINCIDENCE!! NONE OF IT!! I wasn't sure what good meeting the missionaries would do except to learn about the culture of Moldova (and indeed I learned) but it didn't take long for it to be revealed to me that meeting them and learning from them would not only be a very valuable asset and stepping stone, but also to gain connections to the heart of where I want to be. Never have I ever felt like this adventure is for real...and it's for me to do what God wants me to do. Remember also how I said that loving comes naturally and this is part of what I am called to do? Well Jake said that what they did over there was just love the people because that is all they wanted. And you know what? They didn't preach to them...they just loved them and so many have come to Christ because of their LOVE. That is exactly what Jesus wanted. And I am honored to be chosen to carry on that mission.
You guys get to sit and read about how this is developing. Isn't it exciting?? Watch how God is working. How he is opening doors and opportunity's. It's proof that if you are open to it, it will happen.
I have so much more to say but not enough time to type it. Maybe if you call me and set up a date...I'll tell you more! LOL.

Restless

When I first met Damien he talked about wanting a woman that would follow him on great adventures. I was on board. I knew that it was something I wanted to do and I was excited for our life together. I would dream about the places we would go and how I would have pictures of him and I together from around the world. The thought that it would make me so happy to know I have been to faraway places with the man I love. And it will make me happy...when it happens.

So I have a story to tell. Most people know that when I had Athaliah I began to feel that my calling in life was to be a mother. Not just to my own children but to many, many children everywhere I go. And so last winter I met a man through connections with my church named John from Ireland. He has a home base there where people are sent out on missions all over the world, and listening to one of his stories, a particular country caught my attention. He told the story of the poorest country in Europe called Moldova. Most of the people living there are children. And over half of them are abandoned and orphaned. A lot of the young females are sent out of the orphanages at 16 or 17 to waiting vans of men who then traffic them for sexual exploitation (another thing I wanted to get involved with...not being trafficked but saving the kids). It is really a sad state. Anyway, since I heard of this country the children are all I can think about and I can't seem to get it out of my head. And lately I have been realizing that I am going crazy stuck inside the house all day with the same old routine, unable to drive anywhere (although I do drive illegally when I can't handle being cooped up anymore). I have been dreaming of going on an adventure...perhaps an adventure with Damien and Athaliah. And so I kept these feelings and thoughts inside and let them stirr in me until I became sad all the time. I became so sad that it started to affect how I felt about being married. Until I finally told Damien that I am restless and in need of something different. I told him it was time that we go somewhere. I told him how I really want to go to Moldova and maybe India because I've always wanted to wear a Sari. Damien agreed and talked over different scenario's but it didn't take long for me to realize Damien wasn't actually serious about it. It was a nice dream and all, but it probably wouldn't happen...so I was back to square one and the restlessness in me grew.

THEN! not even two days later I mentioned my growing restlessness to a friend who told me she had spent all of last summer in Moldova with some missionary friends!! It was so neat to hear because hardly anyone has ever heard of Moldova. That was all she told me, but somehow it made me happier.

The next day Damien went to church (and I slept cause we were up until four in the morning watching 24) and he had talked with our friend just randomly about it. Turns out there was more to the story. He came home and told me that not only did our friend spend all of last summer there, but that her missionary friends are looking to retire and are currently looking for a young couple to replace them!! As soon as he told me my spirit rose and my heart jumped. I had a feeling God was doing something! I didn't (AND STILL DON'T) think it is a coincidence that all this happened in a matter of days. I got so excited I started babbling to Damien about something along the lines of, "That's us Damien! That's for us! Let's go!" And then Damien, with a completely straight face started talking logically (who DOES THAT?) and went on about debt and planning and how this and that is in the way etc. AND how HE was prophesied over about how he shouldn't just walk through any door that is opened or something like that.

I then got mad. Mad because this was something I KNOW I am supposed to be doing, somewhere I KNOW I am supposed to go, and Damien, who by the way, always wondered what I would do if God wanted us to just "pick up and go" and here I am wanting to go and there is Damien making up excuses and using prophesy as reasons to NOT go anywhere. I was mad because it seems like I have always shadowed other people's dreams and other people's callings and I have yet to fall into my own dream and calling. And I was mad because it seemed yet again that I would have to give up my adventure so Damien could go on being comfortable and go on being afraid of change even though in his own heart he longs to be called away to a faraway place.

And so I cried. I cried in anger and sadness and disappointment and every sad emotion out there. And then I prayed because I knew that this adventure IS going to happen and I saw it in my mind. I saw myself with Damien and Athaliah on a plane heading to Moldova. I knew that this was MY adventure and it had to happen with or without Damien there. As I prayed I felt that God was telling me that this IS my adventure and it IS going to happen. I felt him say, "You hold onto that faith, and let me deal with Damien." Oh and I was happy again! I knew that God would set it right if it was meant to happen!

And then the next morning I talked with Damien about everything again. I told him that I knew he didn't feel pulled to leave but that I felt it, and my restlessness had a reason. I asked him if he would come even if the adventure wasn't for him (because before this he believed that any adventure was for him and not me.) I told him that I have my own story too and that I deserve to respond to the pulling. He agreed. He also agreed to pray about. And I was thankful.

Well he DID pray about it and guess what? Good ol' Faithful God has done what he said he would. He is working on Damien. He (Damien) has agreed to have faith about where God wants us and he is now working on our spending habits so we can pay off our debt so we can be free to go! Did you hear that? I AM GOING!!! I AM GOING ON MY ADVENTURE AND I AM GOING TO FULFILL MY CALLING AND MY DREAMS AND MY DESTINY!! It's finally happening and my heart is so full of Joy! I knew God would do it. I KNEW that I have to go.

Now Damien believes that this is going to take a few years but I don't think so. I see it happening much sooner than he thinks. I don't care anymore because at least now I know it is in motion. I know God is going to do it. When I was waitng and begging to be made well from my anxiety, it took two years of torture to get to where I am today. It doesn't seem like a lot on the grand scale but going through it felt like forever. After that ordeal I have a lot patience and trust that God will do what is best. I have a lot of faith because of what I went through. The whole time God showed me pictures of who I was going to be when it was all over. I thought at first it was a tease but I didn't let go and I am looking more and more like that person he showed me everyday.

So I will hold onto that picture of me on the airplane heading to Moldova. It will happen and I can't wait.

I am telling you. Have faith. No matter how long it takes I promise it is so worth it in the end. The experience will be richer and brighter and better than anything you can imagine than if you had cheaped out and gone your own way. No one knows what is best more than the one who created you and he delights in giving his children the desires of their hearts...which just so happens to be HIS heart. My heart speaks the language of love. For some it is other things. Stuff that comes naturally. Damien speaks the language of teaching. Passing on knowlege and information comes easy to him. It does not for me. I like to love. I love to hold people in my arms and cry with them. I love to take people's hands and pray with and for them. I love to speak encouraging words to broken people. I love to cuddle my child until she can't stand it. My language is love, and so if you are a Christian (and even if you are not!) please pray that this dream and calling can be fulfilled in whatever way it is meant to. Whether it means travelling abroad or staying home. Please pray that God will place Damien and our family wherever it needs to be and that I will find fulfillment in whatever task I am given. I love being a mom, and it would bring me so much joy to travel to Moldova to love all those abandoned and (supposed) unloved children.

For now, Erin.

Nature Scares Me

I love children...especially mine. I love babies and I always have but for once in my life I am scared of the thought of another one coming from me...literaly. Okay maybe not labour because if it's just as quick as last time I can handle it...but the thought of being sick for nine or more months makes me want to run in the opposite direction as fast as possible.
A couple weeks ago I went off of birth control. I didn't mean to but I ran out and just haven't been able to make it to the doctors yet...and now it seems like I wont need to. Going off of the pill has been kind of crazy. All of a suddon my hormones are going wonky and one minute I want a child RIGHT NOW and then the other minute (which I believe is my heart...or maybe just logic) says, "NOOOOOO...NOT YET...ACTUALLY MAYBE NOT EVER!" The reason I feel "not ever" is because I am a narrow minded parent with one child and eyes for only that one child. My heart wants Athaliah and only her but I know deep down that I want more children. I just LOVE her sooo much and I feel that I would be almost betraying her to have another one...(sound nuts?) Also, I would feel terrible if I were to be sick again and I was unable to pour into my favorite little human being on earth, the way that I should. I feel that it would be unfair to her. Please tell me this is normal! AHHH!
So Damien and I were discussing the thought of more children and I told him that it was going to have to be his decision because I am incapable of making a rational one. Damien's mom warned him that as soon as Athaliah stops breastfeeding I am going to want another one. And sure enough to my surprise, my maternal instinct is starting to tell me that it is time to have more. Athaliah is only interested in breastfeeding at night...and as a result I am almost completely dry. I was talking with Damien though about the fact that "what if I get sick and then Athaliah is neglected?" and Damien calmly responded, "Well it may be harder on her when she is older." and so the question just became, "Do we want to have another child sooner or later?"
A part of me is up for the adventure and craving that feeling of being needed and wanted by "mommy" and another part of me loves what Athaliah wants from me and loves what I have and is content with that. I guess I just cant imagine loving anyone BUT Athaliah and I know at least that that is a normal feeling.
Damien said to me, "Erin if we leave it up to me, we will never have more because I can never plan things and I am not good at making decisions of that sort." And of course I am not good at it either because from one minute to another I cant make up my mind. The truth is I am terrified and at the same time I am trying to control the whole thing. I know God doesn't WANT me OR Damien to control anything. And so Damien and I came to the conclusion that maybe, just maybe, we should let nature...or God decide when we are to have another child.
That was a scary moment. Leaving it up to God. Why does that scare me? Maybe because I KNOW he is in control. And maybe that means he is going to make me face my fears, and maybe he knows in 20 years I am going to laugh at the fact that I was so scared.

So to sum it up, Damien and I have decided to let God decide when our next child is going to make it's appearance on earth. We have decided that nature is better at making decisions than we are and we don't even think that people should even use birth control. However I don't want eight kids so there is a limit. I am going through this next phase in our life completely trusting on God and relying on him to help me through any trials or fears it may bring me. But I do have to say one thing, it is such a great feeling to make such a HUGE decision together with both of us completely aware of what we are doing. Athaliah was a surprise. A wonderful surprise but she wasn't planned between us, and now, we are in it together. We are both very clear of eachother's expectations and if it so happens (which I don't doubt is going to happen) that I get pregnant, we wont be shocked or upset, but our trust in God will just increase and we will lean on him to show us what to do next.

I am scared. Nope, I am terrified and completely unsure of the future, but my heart is excited and looking forward to the adventure. Besides, I am meant to be a mom to many, and some of them should be mine I think.

I'll Do It MYSELF!!

Sometimes, if no one gives you a helping hand, you just gotta pick it up and do it yourself. I am of course, referring to the Bass guitar. It has been a desire of mine to learn the Bass for a while but I discarded the thought because I was having a baby and I thought I would never be able to do anything ever again. I am so happy I picked it up again. I asked my husband what the credit limit was on our Visa and I headed to the best guitar store in the city. I almost immedietly saw the one I wanted and I didn't even care what the price tag was. (you gotta look at it as an investment...if your serious about something like that, you cant be cheap). So I was in the store for all of...ummm...maybe half an hour and then I was heading home to plug it in. However...I had NO IDEA how to play. I have never in my life ever even touched a Bass before I held mine (which I nicknamed "Precious" by the way) in my hands. I don't know chords, I don't know notes, I don't know squat. This was two weeks ago. Ummm, and now, my fingers tips are numb (this is not too bad because my baby is teething and she likes to bite my fingers...and now it doesn't hurt!) and I know the chords, and the notes, and I've been listening to all my favorite songs and playing more by ear than anything. My songs of choice are anything by John Mayer. Although this is not the wisest choice because I JUST started and John Mayer's stuff is a little advanced. But I figure, you can only be as good as your teacher, and if John Mayer's music is teaching me, I am in good hands. (no pun intended if you got that).

So yay for me! This is one life dream I can scratch off of my list and move onto the next one. I have been trying to practice as much as I can but I am constantly wanted by my daughter, my husband, my friends and I can never seem to find any time to myself. (all the mothers are replying "Tell me about it"). But if you are truely passionate about something, you aren't going to let a little, "Erin, your child just fell hard and smacked her head" or, "Erin, I think you are hawt when you play your Bass. Do you think you can meet me in the bedroom in 5? Oh, and bring the guitar", or even "Erin, your child hasn't eaten all day, are you going to feed her anytime soon?" get in your way of something you want. And I want to learn and master the Bass guitar. (Please don't call social services on me, I assure you my child is well fed and the bruises on her head were a result of Damien watching her...or not watching her)

And so with my Dad constantly watching over my shoulder as I screw up and then interrupting me with how well HE can play it on HIS electric guitar, I push on in my quest to master the Bass. I will contunue to play until maybe one day when my dream of playing with the legend that is John Mayer is realized (it's JUST a dream, I am sure of that one) I will just play and play and play until my fingers fall off. And maybe I'll sing too cause I can do that.
My heart is satisfied every time I look over at my Precious. The smooth wood showing every detail of the grain, the black body with a burst of red in the middle dotted with my fingerprints here and there (very lonvingly placed I assure you) and every string set to the right tune. Ahh the joys of being infatuated with a new instrument.

And so I head off to bed with the tune of plucking Bass notes from "Slow dancing in a burning room" in my head, and imagining myself on stage with everyone relying on me and the drummer to bring the beat. John Mayer, you are a good teacher, and Damien, your Visa is a good credit card, and Oh my Precious, you are a great Bass guitar.

Good Night.