Hannah

Have you ever been put to shame by someone who seems to have more Christ-like qualities than you and they're not even a Christian? This evening around dinner, I was so immensely blessed by my neighbour that it almost brought me to tears. Not only because I feel so loved but because I feel shamed at my laziness.
My neighbour's name is Hanna. She is an Arab woman from Sudan with 4 children and one on the way. I met her because my other neighbour and I are friends who both have a child 6 months apart from each other. I babysit her boy Rolando on Wednesday, Thursday and Friday until Rolando's Dad gets home from work and one day he was over there playing with all of Hannah's kids. So I took Athaliah over there as an excuse to introduce myself. I had never seen the woman who lived there before. One of Hannah's children, Sarah, took an instant liking to Athaliah and was constantly trying to give her kisses. She's a gorgeous child I might point out too. Anyway, from that day on, me and Hannah have been getting to know each other when the weather is nice enough for us to sit outside her home in the sun. Hannah's husband Caleb is very good to her. She says that's why she has so many kids! It's good to know that there are some very good men out there still.
There is something about Hannah that is so intriguing. I don't know what it is but there's this light in her eyes that shines so brightly. I have never known an Arab woman who is so open to friendship with me...a white person. I've always been so fascinated with Arab culture and customs because the women are always so shy and hidden...sometimes literally, but Hannah is so open and caring and seriously loving. She insists that she is going to come help with the baby when he is born because my mom is moving to Quebec on the July long weekend. I know that where she comes from everyone looks after everyone else. It's only natural to her. She loves to share with me all the things she loves and the food she makes when she feels well. (She's only 3 months along and suffers a great deal with morning sickness). This woman is something different. She wears a scarf over her head but only when she is going somewhere does she secure it. A lot of times it blows off her head in the wind and she takes her time putting it back. Her youngest child Nadia is just a little older than Athaliah but they don't really get along. I assume it's because they're both at the age of not wanting to share and they are both girls. Nadia is very sweet too. One day I picked her up and out of habit I started rubbing her back cause I do that with Athaliah, and she put her head on my shoulder. I went to give her back to her mom and she refused!! As soon as MY little girl saw that, she threw a temper tantrum; again because Athaliah doesn't like to share anything...especially her mommy. Hannah also likes to show me her "tattoos" as she calls them. It's actually black Henna. She always has these amazing designs on her feet and hands and we have an agreement that when she feels better she has to do some Henna on me.
So getting to this evening, I was being kind of selfish and wanting to spend money we don't have so I could satisfy my hunger and craving for Joey's Only. (One of my FAVORITE restaurants). The truth is currently we have no food in the house to eat except milk, pita bread and cheese. The smart thing to do would be to go to the store but the whole money thing is getting in the way. And my kitchen is a disaster so of course I don't want to cook. So I resigned to maybe just not eating for the evening. I took Athaliah to the couch so she could munch on some Cheerios on my lap when who knocks at the door? HANNAH! She walks in with this HUGE smile on her face and says, "Where's your wife?" and Damien points to me on the couch. She says to me, "You sick? I haven't seen you in a while." I said no but then she just hands me this steaming plate of pasta to eat. She said, "I have to go, but you eat!" and then she left! I was blown away. I thought to myself, WOW...I am SO selfish. I have food I COULD make if I wanted to but I was just too lazy...and yet, God still provided my dinner. Not only did Hannah randomly bring me dinner, but she's sick and spends her days chasing her four children when she is not lying down. I thought that I am the one who should be going over there to help HER! I don't have any nausea anymore and I only have ONE kid at the moment. Hannah did all that for me just because she cares about me. When was the last time I did something like that? I mean, I made a cheesecake last week and gave her a slice to which she gave me some very interesting Lamb soup. But to top it off, she came back tonight to make sure I ate my dinner AND in the process brought me a delicious hot dessert and took off again! HAHA. She just makes me smile every time I think of her.
I think honestly, this is the first time someone has spontaneously decided to love me just because she felt like it and it's an amazing feeling. I've never been on the receiving end of something like this. Sure, LOTS of people have helped me and offered help...but no one until Hannah has ever just done something for me without reason. Now I know how it feels to be loved by Jesus in another person. I see so much of Jesus in Hannah. I can't seem to get enough of her.
To be honest though, I'm scared to get too close because I don't want it to hurt when she leaves. I don't know when she is leaving but she has said that the house they are in is filthy (which it is because Calgary Housing owns it and the people that lived there before were two male bachelors). She said she doesn't want to stay. I don't blame her but she is one person I don't ever want to lose contact with. There's just something about her that draws you in. She's the type of person you can't NOT love. I loved her instantly. And while I am trying to figure out how to be Jesus to my neighbours, my neighbours are being Jesus to me without even knowing it.
I pray with all my heart that I can get to know Hannah more and that perhaps her living conditions can be improved so she doesn't have to leave. I feel like there is so much more I want to know and learn about her and her culture. I want to spend more time with her and give back to her.

Here's the bottom line. Jesus wants us to be a part of each others lives regardless of race and religion. I was talking with an older mom one Sunday and we were discussing WHY motherhood is so lonely. It's only lonely in North America. Everywhere else the women spend everyday together looking after everyone else's kids. I've always felt that I didn't belong in this North American culture. I know deep down that Hannah's type of community is what is necessary. This culture is so scared of it's neighbours it's almost comical. I asked God to bring women into my life who crave this close kind of community as well. That's where Hannah comes in. She's teaching me about what it's like to live that way. She says it's hard for her out here and she's lonely too. In Sudan, all the other women would be looking after her kids and she'd be resting. That's just how it is. Here in Canada she's isolated and has to look after her kids by herself when her husband is not home. So for now we have each other. I believe that is exactly what God was hoping for...and me too.




And update on the Pregnancy and life in general: It's been confirmed that we are definitely having a boy...and I saw the proof myself. Damien is really excited. I'm not sure how I feel yet because I barely have time to think about it. Athaliah is very busy...and messy and I'm just trying to keep up with her most of the time. I'm just entering my 3rd trimester, I feel AMAZING and because I am not queasy, I could care less that my pelvic bone is separating from the ligaments. Honestly, I'd take that over being sick any day. Good news on being sick though: I'm well on my way to getting over my severe phobia of vomit. Athaliah went through a time where she was getting sick for a month and a half at random times and I found that although it was gross and not something I wanted to deal with, I didn't panic and I did what I had to do. Also, a few months ago I started losing weight because of my anxiety attacks. They were making me vomit almost daily. I know that most of this was due to the hormones that relax the opening to my stomach but nonetheless, I saw myself get sick enough times to not have a massive panic attack when I feel ill. I have my moments however. I STILL cannot handle ANYONE ELSE getting sick. That one still gets me. The good news is that I feel confident enough now that I can follow through with the profession I've always wanted to do: Nursing. I know that in due time, my fear of others being sick will be taken care of as well as the rest of my fears. It's just a matter of working through the trauma's and letting God take down the strongholds guarding the fear and exposing the LIES that the enemy has tortured me with my whole life. I also know without a doubt, my phobia is generational. I am working on these things as well.
So back to the baby situation, this time around is going to be so different in so many ways. The most impact full is that my mom is moving back home to Oka, Quebec. She leaves at the beginning of July. As the date gets closer, I get more and more sad. My mom is leaving and I have no clue when I will see her again. I know she is not leaving ME, she is leaving because her home, her roots and her memories (even some good ones) are over there and this is going to make her happy. She has no family out here (except me and my brother) and she feels it's time to do something for herself. I am proud of her and happy for her...I've just never experienced my mom being more than a couple miles away. So she wont be there to see her Grandson being born and in her place I am having a Doula come in. A Doula is just a labour support person who does whatever she can to help you through. Since Damien spent almost the whole time laughing at me when I was in labour with Athaliah, I figure she might be of some use. Anyway, my mom didn't do much to help when Athaliah was born so I wouldn't expect much anyway, but the fact remains that it's hard when "mom" isn't there.
Other than that, I am very happy and looking forward to another baby. I love newborns! And no, I am not done having children. I'm going to take a break after this one, but I am not finished! I'm a mom, and that's just how it is.

Hope everyone else is doing well.
Love, Erin