I watched this video last night and it broke my heart. Especially the little girl who chose the white baby as opposed to the black one. She is an adorable little girl and already at such a young age, she believes she is bad, that her colour is bad, that her skin is bad. White=good, Black=bad. How on earth did it come to this? Why has it come to this? Who has told her poor little spirit that she belongs to the "bad" people? I almost cried watching this. Why all the discrimination? Why do we have to be racist? There is nothing wrong with differnt skin colours! I think black people are beautiful. For us white folks to think that we are superior in any way is nothing short of evil. The whole documentary is fantastic but the part with the children picking which doll the prefer, grabs me and holds me there. I haven't been able to get those images out of my head. These are the things that prompt me to pray on my face and cry for their spirits. I cry for the world who think they have the right to choose who is better. I think of the song by Casting Crowns called, "If we are the body" and in the bridge it goes, "Jesus payed much to high a price for us to pick and choose who should come." HOW TRUE!! So what makes us think that we have any rights to other human beings at all?? We don't! Aw but it bothers me so much to think that our society says that black people among others, are bad. Really, I feel ashamed because it seems that the white people are the bad ones. I belong to the "bad" colour. It's been the white people who have enslaved people of different colours, who have kicked the natives off of their land. I am native but my skin is white. I am just as much a part of this image.
I think if we really knew Jesus, if we really knew God...like KNEW him, these things that concern us, the colour of skin, who occupies which piece of land, who is smarter etc. would be so irrelevent! There is so much more important things to worry about! ALL humans are sinful no matter what colour we are.
So the most disturbing thing about this whole thing is that, that adorable little girl is going to grow up believing she is "bad" and somehow unworthy. The fact that she ALREADY thinks this, is so heart breaking. I imagine Jesus' heart is sad for children everywhere who feel that way. I look at my baby girl and she is so innocent and beautiful. If she ever came to me and said she felt "bad" or "unoworthy" or somehow not proud of who she is, it would make me so sad. Jesus loves all of his children...no matter the colour.
What are your thoughts on this eye opening documentary?
Tuesday, May 22, 2007
Saturday, May 19, 2007
If You Want Me To
The pathway is broken, and the signs are unclear,
And I don't know the reason, why you brought me here,
But just because you love me, the way that you do,
I'm gonna walk through the valley, if you want me to.
Cause I'm not who I was when I took my first step,
And I'm clinging to the promise you're not through with me yet,
So if all of these trials bring me closer to you,
Then I will go through the fire, if you want me to.
It may not be the way I would have chosen,
When you lead me through a world that's not my home,
But you never said it would be easy,
You only said I'll never go alone.
So when the whole world turns against me, and I'm all by myself,
And I can't hear you answer my cries for help,
I'll remember the suffering your love put you through,
And I will go through the valley, if you want me to.
-Ginny Owens
I feel like that has been my theme song for the past two years. It has become a song very close to my heart. I was reading in my journal last night, and there is a reoccurring theme throughout, "God, do whatever it takes, I just want to be close to you". I knew this was a scary thing to ask because I knew he would do it. And so I was not surprised when I started going through intense anxiety and things of the sort, because not only did I ask for it (not the anxiety necessarily, but the cleansing of my soul and mind etc.) but I also KNEW that although it sucked...and it REALLY did, I knew that when I came out of it, I was going to be so much of a better person because of it. And I am. I am so much more passionate about the things I believe, my faith has increased beyond what I ever thought, and my love for Jesus and my intimacy with him is so tight that words are not even necessary between us a lot of times. I was miserable through the whole thing and my marriage went through a very trying time, but at the same time, I kept telling Damien that there was a reason I was going through it, and that it will all be worth it in the end. I was right...well God was right. And Damien although impatient, has seen and IS seeing the fruit of my sufferings. Being on the other side now, I rejoice in them. Going through it, I cried, whined, and begged for it to end. And now everything smells sweeter. The sky is bluer, the grass is greener, the colours are far more vivid then they were. Yeah, I'm different. And I wouldn't change any of the hard times for anything.
God takes you through the fire and it burns and hurts so bad so you scream in agony for it to stop. And JUST when you think you are going to die and you can't handle it anymore, he gently takes your hand, pulls you from the heat and sends the most refreshing cool rain you have ever felt. I feel like right now, I am standing in the rain. At first I was looking at him and asking, "Why? Why all of this?" and now I look in the mirror and back at him and I know why. I don't know how to explain it other than seeing layer after layer of dead skin, or dead weight that I've been carrying around, just fall off all around me. Like a beautiful ruby (cause I like red) covered in a thick chunk of mud, and seeing it break off and wash away to reveal this raw stone. Once it's shined and polished, it's almost too beautiful not to stare at it. It draws you in. That's me. When you are put into a position where you can't even get out of your bed because you are so afraid and so anxious...it makes you forget the things you previously thought were important. I remember just thinking to myself, that people who walk down the street lost in their own thoughts, were so lucky because I couldn't even do that. I remember wishing I could walk into my front yard and smell the flowers without feeling anxious. Everything fake that used to matter to me, was no longer important and the only thing that mattered was Jesus.
I am standing in the rain. I love being cooled off after going through intense heat. It's so healing and refreshing. I was patient. I was in pain but I prayed and hung on. I kept my eyes focused on Him, I kept walking, He kept refining and peeling back the layers, and the deeper it got, the more painful. But underneath, not even I was expecting to find the true Erin. Jesus said to me, "See? That is the Erin I created." and I sit here writing this in confidence that yes, this is the Erin he created.
So indeed, "If all of these trials bring me closer to you, then I will go through the fire, if you want me to".
Praise Jesus for fire, but most of all for the rain that comes after.
And I don't know the reason, why you brought me here,
But just because you love me, the way that you do,
I'm gonna walk through the valley, if you want me to.
Cause I'm not who I was when I took my first step,
And I'm clinging to the promise you're not through with me yet,
So if all of these trials bring me closer to you,
Then I will go through the fire, if you want me to.
It may not be the way I would have chosen,
When you lead me through a world that's not my home,
But you never said it would be easy,
You only said I'll never go alone.
So when the whole world turns against me, and I'm all by myself,
And I can't hear you answer my cries for help,
I'll remember the suffering your love put you through,
And I will go through the valley, if you want me to.
-Ginny Owens
I feel like that has been my theme song for the past two years. It has become a song very close to my heart. I was reading in my journal last night, and there is a reoccurring theme throughout, "God, do whatever it takes, I just want to be close to you". I knew this was a scary thing to ask because I knew he would do it. And so I was not surprised when I started going through intense anxiety and things of the sort, because not only did I ask for it (not the anxiety necessarily, but the cleansing of my soul and mind etc.) but I also KNEW that although it sucked...and it REALLY did, I knew that when I came out of it, I was going to be so much of a better person because of it. And I am. I am so much more passionate about the things I believe, my faith has increased beyond what I ever thought, and my love for Jesus and my intimacy with him is so tight that words are not even necessary between us a lot of times. I was miserable through the whole thing and my marriage went through a very trying time, but at the same time, I kept telling Damien that there was a reason I was going through it, and that it will all be worth it in the end. I was right...well God was right. And Damien although impatient, has seen and IS seeing the fruit of my sufferings. Being on the other side now, I rejoice in them. Going through it, I cried, whined, and begged for it to end. And now everything smells sweeter. The sky is bluer, the grass is greener, the colours are far more vivid then they were. Yeah, I'm different. And I wouldn't change any of the hard times for anything.
God takes you through the fire and it burns and hurts so bad so you scream in agony for it to stop. And JUST when you think you are going to die and you can't handle it anymore, he gently takes your hand, pulls you from the heat and sends the most refreshing cool rain you have ever felt. I feel like right now, I am standing in the rain. At first I was looking at him and asking, "Why? Why all of this?" and now I look in the mirror and back at him and I know why. I don't know how to explain it other than seeing layer after layer of dead skin, or dead weight that I've been carrying around, just fall off all around me. Like a beautiful ruby (cause I like red) covered in a thick chunk of mud, and seeing it break off and wash away to reveal this raw stone. Once it's shined and polished, it's almost too beautiful not to stare at it. It draws you in. That's me. When you are put into a position where you can't even get out of your bed because you are so afraid and so anxious...it makes you forget the things you previously thought were important. I remember just thinking to myself, that people who walk down the street lost in their own thoughts, were so lucky because I couldn't even do that. I remember wishing I could walk into my front yard and smell the flowers without feeling anxious. Everything fake that used to matter to me, was no longer important and the only thing that mattered was Jesus.
I am standing in the rain. I love being cooled off after going through intense heat. It's so healing and refreshing. I was patient. I was in pain but I prayed and hung on. I kept my eyes focused on Him, I kept walking, He kept refining and peeling back the layers, and the deeper it got, the more painful. But underneath, not even I was expecting to find the true Erin. Jesus said to me, "See? That is the Erin I created." and I sit here writing this in confidence that yes, this is the Erin he created.
So indeed, "If all of these trials bring me closer to you, then I will go through the fire, if you want me to".
Praise Jesus for fire, but most of all for the rain that comes after.
Friday, May 18, 2007
My First One!
This is my first post! Woo Hoo! It's really late and I am up talking to a friend on MSN and checking my facebook. Athaliah is sound asleep and Damien is next to me almost snoring. Laptops are great for sitting in bed and writing. I think the best at night. You know how people say that their best thoughts come while they are on the toilet? Nope, not me. Right here, in bed, late at night...this is where my best thinking comes. I get a chance to reflect on the events of the day, reflect on things people have said to me and things I have said in return; I love unwinding and thinking about what I would have done differently that day, what I should have worn, how I could have done my hair (I love thinking of new ways to put it up) and I love simple things at night. Everything is quieter at night. Not as many cars, people are sleeping, The air is cool and fresh...
I especially love warm summer evenings. For some reason they remind me of trips with my family to B.C and hanging out with my aunts and uncles and cousins in Kamloops. Damien said something not too long ago that is very true: I can take almost anything and it will remind me of something about my childhood. Yes, a lot does remind me of those days because those days were very good. I had a crazy happy childhood and I am proud of this, so every so often you will notice me going back there...it doesn't take me much. But the night time air does smell so deliciously sweet doesn't it? Is it because all the cars are asleep in their garages and the smell of nature is allowed to press through finally? If it smells so good now, think of Eden. How wonderful those plants and flowers would have smelled...unharmed by pollution and other bad things. Aw man, the grass would be a colour of green we cannot imagine and the dirt would be so rich we would be proud to come from it's dust. The fruit and everything they ate would be so full of flavour we would easily stuff ourselves full of it all. And to think we could have a perfect relationship with the one who created it all. The one who would taste sweeter than the fruit he created. And one day...I'll be back there...with Him...my creator. This reminds me of something from my childhood...KIDDING, kidding. But it could if I thought about it more...haha.
So lately I have been feeling so close to Jesus and I have barely slowed down long enough to speak with him. But for some reason, at this time, that is okay. I feel his presence a lot...even right now as I write. I feel like everytime I begin to think about him, this door opens and his presence comes upon me and it almost makes me sleepy. I guess it's just this overwhelming peace. And I love when I look into my daughter's eyes because frequently I see him inside of her...glowing and full of energy...but not tiresome energy...it's more like purity and joy. Yeah. Joy. And I can see her soul is so pure. I love that word: pure.
Anyway, I hope all who read find encouragement and whatever else they need. I love poetry and I love to write it...so don't be surprised to see lots on here.
So here we go!
Love, Erin
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