Lately...

I haven't written in a while. I've been really stressed, busy and tired and going through too much at one time.

First, I auditioned for the 3rd and 4th installment of the Twilight Saga, Eclipse and Breaking Dawn. I am a huge Twilight fan. I haven't heard back so I am assuming I didn't get the part but it was fun just to try. I might do it again in the future if an opportunity ever presents itself. For now though I will just focus on my family and the changes that seem to be coming our way as of late.

A couple weeks ago I missed my period and I started getting nauseous. Damien was really sick too so I thought it was that. I had a feeling though that I was pregnant. Every time I am pregnant, without fail, a spot on my left upper thigh goes completely numb and I get bad sciatic nerve pain. I felt this and then I knew for sure. I took a pregnancy test but it was negative. I figured I should wait until the next morning's urine to make sure. Morning came, I took another test and it was also negative. I was still queasy and I still hadn't gotten my period. I took five tests before I gave up and decided I would just go to the doctor. A week after I was supposed to get my period in the first place, I was getting ready to go to my father-in-law's birthday when I began to bleed and get strong abdominal pain. I knew it was coming. If I had all the signs of pregnancy and yet every test was negative I had a feeling that the pregnancy hormones weren't strong enough to show up and I had already prepared myself for the likelyhood of losing whatever was there. Sure enough, I bled. And I bled and bled. Not enough (apparantly) to warrant a trip to the hospital but enough that I knew it was not just a regular period. I was sad and still shocked despite that I knew it might happen. I was waiting to hear back from the audition and what if I had gotten a call back but I was pregnant? I would have had to turn it down, but on the other hand, what if I didn't get a call back and I had another baby?? I was kind of excited at the thought.

But as I sit here currently, I have no baby on the way and no part in a really cool film. I'm not as upset as I thought I would be though. I know that God has bigger and better plans and I fully trust him. I have two babies that keep me busy as it is, and now that some other things have come to light (I will explain in a minute) I am happy that everything has turned out the way it has.

Before I get into what's been going on in the last few days, I just want to mention that Athaliah FINALLY had her eye surgery to unblock her tear duct. For the first time ever in her whole existance she wakes up without it being stuck together and full of puss. The doctor said it was not only blocked in many places but that it hadn't even developed properly to begin with so there was never any hope of it unblocking anyway without surgical intervention. She did really well. She fell asleep with me holding her and telling her how much I loved her. They put an orange creamsical flavored mask over her face. They also prepared me for how she would look once she was asleep. They told me her eyes may roll back and look kinda scary and that I shouldn't go in unless I could handle that since they've had a few parents faint at the sight of their child going limp. Unfortunately I already know what this looks like, because Endon's eyes rolled back into his head and he went limp in my arms back in December. Only that time it was a dire emergency, and I knew that Athaliah was alright. She actually closed her eyes so I didn't see any eyeball rolling, which I was thankful for anyway. I didn't want to leave at first because I didn't believe she was actually out. I kept asking, "You're sure she's asleep? You're sure??" Only because I was afraid she wasn't asleep and they'd stick that probe in her eye and she'd remember everything. It was alright. It took less than 30 minutes and she woke up and ate popsicles, watched a DVD and then we were sent home. She was back to her old self again by the end of the evening. She's been doing great ever since. She has a big bruise under her eye because of how much the doctor had to probe her eye and nose, but she's healing so well. I am so proud of her.

And now to the more serious stuff. I still want to be a nurse, and I still want to go to Africa. I have no clue when this is going to happen but I am sure it will, whenever God wants to make that happen for us. We haven't been given the green light for this because Damien was never with me on it. Before we can go anywhere and do anything, we both have to be on board. I came to realize that unless Damien feels the pull to go somewhere first, then I am not going anywhere anytime soon. But God knows so much better than I do!! He is so faithful and so...COOL. Lately, Damien has been thinking about the Reserve in Oka, Quebec, where all of my mom's family lives. He hasn't been able to get it out of his head. That's odd for him. One night he couldn't even sleep, he was thinking about it so much. He was told by the pastor out there that he was exactly what they needed out on the reserve. His passion; his ability to mingle with the culture; his amazing speaking talents...

It stuck with him and his thoughts on it are getting stronger. The thing that I find so funny is that Damien always said he would never want to move out there. Ever. And all of a sudden he's been struck with this pull to go there and work in the church. He has a bunch of ideas coming out of nowhere (well not nowhere, probably from God) and I couldn't be more happy. I think it's funny how God usually sends us to places we don't want to go because it's way out of our comfort zones and it means we may need to rely on...GOD?!?!? WOW! Imagine that. ANYONE REMEMBER JONAH AND NINIVAH??? Yeah, I prove my point.

So we both feel restless. We need change. It's not permanent, and if we feel that we need to go in that direction we will take a year to fully prepare. My mom moved out there and learned the hard way. She rushed into it and is paying the concequences. Even though she was meant to be out there, she didn't prepare and now she is unhappy and slowly getting out of the mess she got herself into. First, I would have to learn French. Quebec law is that you cannot work anywhere without knowing English AND French. This is where my mom went wrong. She didn't know this and she can't get a job in the city or anywhere outside of the Reservation. Damien knows enough French already but I don't. Also, in Quebec, they bring their large appliances wherever they move. I've never heard of that until my mom moved there. I know it's not unusual for people to take their washer and dryer wherever they go but I've never heard of lugging around your stove, fridge and sometimes dishwasher along with your washer and dryer. What an annoyance! So we'd have to save up for those inconvenient expenses. Also, it cost my mom a LOT to actually get a moving truck to haul her stuff all the way out there. We'd have to be prepared for that. As well, my mom had no home when she moved out there and that caused a rift in the family between her and her sister-in-law. Mind you, she does have demons in her house....but that's a whole other story.

Anyway, we're just praying and asking God what we should be doing. We NEED a change. This city is so busy and we are burnt out. We need to rest and experience God in ways we haven't before. Calgary is my home so I know we wouldn't be gone forever, but this is just a step in bigger steps we want to take in our lives.

We got a new vehicle too. it's reliable and it fits our family perfectly. It's a 2006 Hyundai Santa Fe SUV with only 22, 000km's and it's a standard (which Damien LOVES). We prayed about finding a vehicle that would be affordable and that would be perfect for us and that we wouldn't get sucked up into something we would regret. We found an AMAZING deal and we are SO SO happy with our choice. It was the first and only car we looked at and we both felt no other looking was necessary. God took care of everything and it all fell into place. It seems that with the prospect of moving East, again God is taking care of it an already things are seeming to be going in a good direction. We are looked after. We are in great hands.

So we'll see what the future brings. Honestly, as long as it includes Damien and my kids, I don't care.

I hope to talk to everyone soon!

Love Always, Erin.